Self Portrait in words

Written for a class assignment
David Lloyd

If I was to paint a picture of who I am, not in a moment but in life, I could not do it with something as permanent as paint. Instead my painting would be more like the painting made by the ocean on a rocky beach. My identity, like the ocean, is fluid and every day another seashell or bit of seaweed washes ashore and changes both the canvas and the art. The art work of my life is built by change and as often as the waves hit the shore or a stranger walks the shoreline the art will change as well.

My self portrait is filled with color and life. The colors that paint me are very much the same as the painting of the seashore, every color representing some part of who I am. I see myself as being a psychologist which is represented by the neutral colors of the sand. The sand, the very canvas of my painting, serves to calm a rough sea. It sits silently listening to the anger of the ocean during a storm and as the storm subsides it’s still there, listening, as if to say “it’s ok, all is well.” In my mind tan serves as a neutral color with an understanding and acceptance of the colors around it. Part of my personality is this barrier between rough and calm serving as a buffer not only for myself but for others that may walk with me.

Another facet of my identity is the philosopher which I see represented by the color white, like the foam of the broken waves on the sand. The philosopher in me is always seeking knowledge and understanding, looking for clarity in an often confusing world. This part of me is like the sea foam washing away at the beach, with each wave changing the sands. The philosopher is that man of religion and nature inside me whispering “don’t forget, don’t ever forget.” It is that part that is always reminding me of those core values instilled on me as a child.

Yet another part of me is the student and teacher represented by the deep blue of the ocean. The color blue seems fitting for knowledge and learning. Like the vast ocean itself, regardless of how far we swim or how deep we dive there is always more to learn. It is this part of me that not only seeks to understand, but also yearns to share.

The color of sunset red glimmering of a wet rock represents the artist and poet that is also very much a piece of who I am. To me, red is the color of passion, love and life; it is seen in both anger and lust. It is that thing that keeps us moving into the next day hoping for more. Passion is the part of my soul always yearning, crying, wanting. It is what we hear before there is sound; it is breathe when it is taken away. Passion is reason when there is no other, it is art, it is music; it is the very color of my soul.

The canvas that holds the picture of who I am is also very much a part of the picture itself. Sand is solid but it is also moveable, it can hold its place against the ocean but yet it will happily allow a small child to build a castle upon it. The core of who I wish to be is in the sand itself, stable yet willing to move.

Over the last 40 years of my life I have defined and redefined who I am; my values, my sense of being and my very identity. As I continue my path I will continue to change but there is a core part of me that will serve like the sand in my painting. These values I see as my core values, the ones all others are built upon are, my ability to care, my understanding of others, my sense of humor and my belief in God.

Regardless of the colors that are splashed upon the canvas of my life, the canvas itself will stay the same.